Saturday, December 29, 2012

Special Outfits for Special Occasions

Dressing Up as Darth Vader for a Star Wars Christmas Party

Hipster Darth Vader
Metallic Geo-Mini Dress from Forever21, June & Daisy Black Leggings from Sam's Club, Red Classic Toms, Black Liz Lange for Target Sweater, Black Satin Gloves from, Hello Kitty Sushi Shoulder Pouch.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

How to Throw Your Own...


Every year my friends and I have a get-together the Saturday after Thanksgiving to celebrate with each other.  We change the theme and the food every year so that we don't get overloaded on turkey and throw up all over ourselves.

This year's theme was "Skanksgiving."  At Skanksgiving, you dress trashy and eat a lot of junk that will clog your arteries.  You throw all manners out the window, and stuff food in your face like it's the last chance you'll have to eat.  Also, there's porn.

Skanksgiving is not an easy party to throw.  It takes a lot of creativity and self-confidence.  Here are some helpful tips so you can throw your own!

Tip Number One:  The Outfit

Ladies, it's always a good idea to let part/most of your bra show.  And you're going to want your hair to look really elegant, so try letting a few pieces dangle down from your ponytail so they get in your face all night.  A mini skirt with Uggs is always a nice option.  Gentlemen, anything with a beer logo on it is pretty safe.  Don't forget the Duck-Face for pictures!

Some of these images are NSFW, so I'm going to do a page break here.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Some Questions I Have...

Now That I Have Finished Watching Season Two of "Lost."

  1. Why did that statue have only four toes?
  2. Why doesn't Alex just leave?  She's clearly not into all this kidnapping.
  3. they not want the baby anymore?
  4. How did they know Sawyer's real name?
  5. What are all the women doing about tampons when they start their periods?
  6. Is nobody worried about the Smoke Monster anymore?
  7. Isn't Jack concerned about the whereabouts of his father's dead body?
  8. Can we just get rid of the extras?  They're not contributing anything.
  9. Does Sawyer really have herpes?  Because he acted really guilty about it.
  10. Why would the Dharma Initiative replace the washer and dryer in the hatch with updated models, but not that damn computer?

Stop What You're Doing and Read This Book Immediately

What's Left of Me
by Kat Zhang

I have a severe weakness for dystopian literature.  Young Adult, Adult, Juvenile, Short Story, Graphic Novel, it doesn't matter.  Strangely, I'm not a fan of "The Walking Dead."  Mostly because everyone on the show is stupid as hell.  But I digress.

"What's Left of Me" is probably the fifth or sixth post-apocalyptic novel I've read this year; although I use the term "apocalypse" loosely, because I'm not sure if there was some Event that made things the way they are in this version of the world, or if this is an alternate universe.  Regardless, this book is awesome, and you should read it right now.

The story is about Eva and Addie, two souls that exist in the same body.  Everyone is born with two souls, one more dominant than the other.  At the age of four or five, the dominant soul "settles" into the body, and the recessive soul disappears.  Only Eva never disappears, and she and Addie have to hide the truth about themselves from their family and everyone else. 

I'm a sucker for feel-good sibling story lines, and I don't think two siblings can get any closer than this.  You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll yell at the obligatory clueless adults.  If you don't, you're probably dead inside.

Run, don't walk, to your nearest library/bookstore/friend's house and read this book immediately.

Read more reviews of this book on LibraryThing.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Fun Fact

If a plastic shopping bag melts to the underside of your car, it will smell like a glue gun.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Fifty Shades of Halloween

My husband and I dressed as this year's most infamous couple for Halloween.  It's really hard to eat with your hands tied up, F.Y.I.

Even my nail polish is grey.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Special Outfits for Special Occasions

Afternoon Tea in New York City

Mint Skinny Jeans from the Gap Outlet, Gold Sequin Tank from the Express Outlet, Beige Cardigan from Forever21, Gold Born Flats from DSW, Pearl Necklace from Target, Hair Ties from Anthropologie.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Is lip gloss without glitter in it just way too much to ask for?

It seems that all the cosmetics companies are mainly catering to fourteen year old girls.  I remember how it used to be.  In high school I only wore Maybelline Wet Shine Diamonds in "Pink Diamonds."  But I was also in my awkward stage.  And the light bounced off the glitter onto my braces in a really pleasant way.

That's not quite the look I'm going for now.  But almost EVERYTHING has glitter in it.  And the only colors I can find that don't have glitter are eggplant purple or pale, pale pink.  I just want some grown-up lady lip gloss!  Something that says "I'm a professional woman."  I want to be able to walk into Chili's, have the hostess look at me and think, "Damn, that's some nice lip gloss.  Look at how elegant her mouth looks as she stuffs all those fries in it.  Classy."

Anyway, the search continues...

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Cover Snark

The Boxcar Children #1
by Gertrude Chandler Warner

If there's anything I love more than whining nostalgically about how awesome everything was when I was a kid, it's laughing about how lame everything actually was when viewed through adult eyes.  Anybody who has ever read the LiveJournal communities 1bruce1 or bsc_snark knows what I'm talking about.  These hilarious people recap books from the Sweet Valley and Baby-Sitters Club series.  I dare you to read them and not pee your pants.  And while I'm insanely jealous that I didn't come up with their ideas first, I'm so happy that they exist in the first place.  Now I know I'm not alone in being obsessed with these skewed versions of real teen life.

Unfortunately, I can't come up with any other young adult series to snark about that I actually kept up with during my adolescence.  I remember being vaguely interested in reading The Boxcar Children series when I came across some copies in my elementary school library.  However, as soon as I read the little synopsis on the back cover, I changed my mind.

"Henry, Jessie, Violet and Benny are a family.  They’re brothers and sisters – and they’re orphans, too.  The only way they can stay together is to try and make it on their own.  But where will they live? 

One night, during a storm, the children find an old red boxcar that keeps them warm and safe.  The children decide to make it their home – and become The Boxcar Children."

Hell, no.  I had already developed a phobia about being accidentally abandoned by my parents somewhere.  I blame movies like Home Alone and Homeward Bound.  So, I never read these books.  But, that doesn't mean I can't snark the covers!  I'm going to start with the first one.  Some of the later books in the series have been circulating through the library lately, and I've seen some pretty odd covers.  I might do those ones later.

Since I have no idea what any of these are actually about, I'll give a brief summary of what I think the first one is about based on the cover.  I guess I can use the character names for the four children, since the back of the book gives me that.  Although, I'm not sure which kid is which.  I'll just make it up.

Photo found on tumblr.

I'm going to go ahead and name them based on the order of the names in the summary compared to the order the characters are placed on the cover.  

This picture must be describing the scene where they find the boxcar to live in.  Clearly, Henry is a few fries short of a Happy Meal, because he is trying to open the sliding boxcar door the wrong way.  I'm guessing that's the reason that Jessie's so pissed off.  Although, she should be giving the finger to Henry, instead of her other siblings.

I already hate Violet.  Mostly because she decided the best clothes to run away in are pastel pink jeans and a matching belt and t-shirt.  That's probably not fair, because none of these kids really dressed for the occasion.  Jessie's wearing fucking khakis and a polo.  And Henry can't be comfortable either, what with that massive wedgie.  No, I mostly hate Violet because I feel like she's being really condescending to her poor, tiny, hunchback brother, Benny.  I really feel for Benny.  It's not easy to go through life with elastic waist jeans that have checkered pockets and what I can only describe as patchless patches on the knees.

These kids are terrible at living on their own.  They've only packed two pillowcases with supplies, and the one that Violet is carrying isn't even full.  This doesn't bode well for the rest of the series.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Random Library Book

The Legend of Holly Claus
by Brittney Ryan

Since I work in a library I frequently make impulse check-outs based on interesting covers.  I recently chose The Legend of Holly Claus by Brittney Ryan.  I picked it partly because the cover is crazy detailed, but also because I don't think I've ever seen a book written by a Brittany/Brittney/Britney before, which I find encouraging.  It is not Miss Ryan's fault that her parents spelled her name wrong.

Photos courtesy of the Holly Claus website.

The summary on the inside flap says that this is a story about Santa Claus' daughter.  I was pretty sure that Santa and Mrs. Claus were too old to be procreating, but I guess not.  Good for them!  When I flipped to the back cover I was even more surprised...

Santa's daughter is Lisa Frank!?