Friday, May 3, 2013

Who Wants to Watch Pretty Little Liars With Me?

I don't care how mature I'm supposed to be, I love this show.

Four Hot Girls + Creepy Stalker + Equally Hot Boys + Terrible Police Work = Quality Entertainment

I'm a relative newbie to the show, because I only started watching when Seasons 1 and 2 showed up on Netflix.  I tried to catch up on Season 3 while it was still airing, but I failed.  I'm hoping that Season 3 will show up on Netflix before Season 4 starts up in mid-June so that I can quickly catch up.  The frustrating part (besides all the waiting I have to do) is that I've forgotten a lot of details from the first two seasons.  So, I'm planning to do a re-watch.

I'm also going to try to blog the re-watch as I go, because then maybe it won't seem so scary when I'm watching this alone at night and I convince myself that A might be hiding in my bathroom.  Want to watch with me?

Remember, I still haven't seen Season 3, or even read any of these books.  So this is a NO SPOILER ZONE.

Here we go.

Season One: Episode One

This seems like the worst slumber party ever.  That barn is so dirty and gross.  Spencer has an expensive ass house; why aren't they staying in one of the 50 guest rooms?  Oh, forgot I'm not supposed to know how rich Spencer is yet.  This is already hard.

What kind of alcohol is in that cup?  And why isn't Ali wearing a sweater?  Everyone else is.

It looks like Kool-Aid.

I'm concerned that Spencer didn't immediately call 911 when she heard Ali scream and couldn't find her.  I get being in the heat of the moment and just running in the direction of the scream, but don't these girls have cell phones?  They're all just standing there, staring at each other like they know something awful has happened.  I would have honestly just assumed she went home to sleep in an actual bed.

One Year Later:
Also, the recycling center opened on the North Side!

How insensitive of the town newspaper to remind everyone that Ali is still missing a year later.  Aria agrees with me.

I'm not sure why the Montgomery's would have packed their entire house for a year long sabbatical.  I mean, they did intend to come back, right?  Also, does anyone actually use the term "sabbatical?"

Hey, Chad Lowe!

Now, how was Aria allowed into this bar?  

And now they're making out.  Are they in the men's room, or the women's? Did she ever get to eat her cheeseburger?!

I gotta say, the first time I started watching this show, this was the point where I decided I wouldn't bother.  But then that theme song came on, and I was trapped.  

Spencer looks middle aged in this department store.

And I think I just heard Hanna say something about Spencer being an intern for the mayor.  Does this come up again? 

Okay, now it's another day, right?  The transitions are a little weird.

Uh oh, flashback.

Mona's that tiny person way in the back.

Get some pride, Mona.

Aria and Ali are watching Aria's dad make out with Jodi from Center Stage.  Who parks in someone else's driveway to have an affair?  I wonder if she confronted her dad right here, or later at home?  I also wonder how Mr. Montgomery explained the reason for the sabbatical to Mrs. Montgomery, since Aria's been keeping his secret for him.  Mrs. Montgomery must be a really chill person to just pack her family off to Europe for a year for no good reason.

I'm confused about the weather.  Aria is wearing about ten layers and Emily is wearing a mini skirt.  Most everyone else is wearing jackets, so maybe Emily doesn't get cold?  Or Aria bought all the leggings and tights in town and there were none left for anyone else.

Oh, oops!

Hi, Bathroom Buddy!

Why don't you guys act a little more obvious?  Now, everybody shut up so Aria can read this text message from A.

Emily's mom is sending her to the house of her possibly dead best friend with a gift basket for the new neighbors?  Way to go, you insensitive bitch.  Also, way to give in to peer pressure, Emily.

Oh, God, I HATE Melissa for taking Spencer's barn.

Stop wearing your sweater like that!

Aria and Fitz are talking like they dated for a couple of months before he discovered her age, but all they did was make out in a gross bathroom.  And you NEVER talk to each other during school or on school property.  First rule of student/teacher relationships.  I'd be so much better at this than they are.

Why does the front of Ali's house look like a college campus?

Okay, letter from A in Emily's locker.

I think this might be the only handwritten note they receive.  Shouldn't they compare it to other notes from Ali to see if it's really her?  It has girly handwriting, plus it was in the girl's locker room, both clues that A is a girl.

Do people normally walk around in their bikinis like this?  Maybe I'm just self-conscious?  I definitely didn't have the confidence to do so at their age.  But then, I was going through a ten-year awkward stage, which these girls must have skipped.  I don't feel sorry for Spencer losing the barn anymore.  Ren is super hot and super into her, clearly.

This must be Spencer's Sex Face.

I think Holly Marie Combs (Mrs. Montgomery) must be pregnant because she keeps hunching over like she's hiding her stomach.

And Chad Lowe seems pretty convinced of their safety, even though a girl completely disappeared from this tiny town a year ago.

Spencer's wearing a vest.  And Melissa and Ren are kissing on the porch like they're on a date.  Remind me again why Spencer wanted to live in the barn her friend may have been kidnapped from?  Who approved this?

Uh oh, an email from A.

Why aren't they trying to reply to these?

More flashbacks.

Yeah, you eat that cookie, Hanna.  Ali's just jealous that you're cuter than her.  And that you're wearing a practical shirt over your bikini.

Who the fuck was that?!  That blonde girl across the way.  Was that Ali?  I don't remember that happening at all.

Emily's wearing a lot of make up here.  I think they should definitely tell someone.  Oh, wait, I forgot about their secrets.  I mean, Emily's isn't a bad secret, but Aria's is going to put someone in prison.

Just dump the take-out box on the plate, Ashley.  Those tongs aren't helping.

Why would they handcuff Hanna to take her to the station, only to let her sit by herself, in a chair, unsupervised?  Shitty Police Work, Take One.

By the way, I've never heard of prison food making you fat.  Now A's just being a bitch.

"Hanna, I buy you everything you need to be popular."  Wow, Ashley.  Good lesson.  Also, good job asking her to lie about the whole thing instead of having to learn from her mistakes.

Emily wears a lot of mini skirts.  Also, you'd think that these girls wouldn't walk around alone at night anymore after their friend went missing.

If some girl's body was found buried in my new backyard, I would move out IMMEDIATELY.  Where the fuck are Mya's parents?

Was there a town bulletin put out about Alison's body?  Because everyone is here right now, and the cops are doing a shitty job of keeping people away from the crime scene.  What does the Jenna thing have to do with this?  And why would they assume Hanna told the cops about it out of nowhere?

Why would Ashley bring the detective HOME to have don't-arrest-my-daughter-sex?  Her parenting skills are sub par to say the least.

Considering Alison was such a bitch, an awful lot of people showed up for her funeral.

Why is Ezra here?  Did he know Alison?  Get out of here while you can, Ezra, there's a lot of drama here.  Oh, he doesn't care.  Stop making out in public!  She's acting more mature than you.

Aly's mom seems very together.  And Hanna's so classy with her flask.

I can't believe the whole town is whisper/yelling as Jenna comes in.  She's blind, not deaf.

And now Detective DickFace is talking to the girls like they are suspects and implying that they've lied to the police.  Okay, the funeral JUST ENDED, detective.  For all intents and purposes, these girls are innocent.  Why are you so awful?  You just got laid, shouldn't you be in a good mood?

From here on out, they will read their messages from A in unison whenever possible, so let's all get used to it.  Go to that creepy detective with this message, ladies!  It doesn't incriminate any of you!  It's only going to get worse!

Okay!  They've sucked me back in!  Let me know if you're watching along in the comments.  I can't do this alone, you guys.  Not when I know all the creepy things coming up.

All screencaps courtesy of Fanpop.
Except for the one of Ali in the window, which is from Pretty Little Liars Wiki.

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