Thursday, May 9, 2013

Who Wants To Watch Pretty Little Liars With Me?

Season One: Episode Three
To Kill A Mocking Girl

The girls are hiking somewhere, and Aria is wearing at least two belts.

Hanna is convinced that Ali isn't really dead, and the other girls are all, "We were at her funeral."  Which is a good point.  Although it wasn't open casket, so...

Uh oh, spooky sticks cracking signals the first text from A.  
Aria needs to touch up her nails.

Oh gross, DickFace is naked in the kitchen.

Does it not occur to him that it is really unprofessional to live in the same house as someone you consider a murder suspect?  Much less walk around in a towel.  Hanna is super grossed out by this whole situation.  And Ashley is teaching her the worst lesson ever.  Doesn't this count as prostitution?

Okay, he listened to that whole conversation, so maybe he'll feel guilty and leave now?  Probs not.

Is this before school?  Why did the Montgomery's have enough time to stop at a diner before school?

Oh.  Shit.

What the fuck are you doing here, Jodi from Center Stage?!  You know his daughter caught you making out!  Get some pride, please.  And some manners.  You lost, Jodi.  He went back to his wife, like they all do.  Plus, it's just Chad Lowe.  He's not Rob.

Uh, yeah Chad.  You can pretend like she doesn't exist.  It's called never talking to her.

Oh, Melissa's mad.  I wonder what about, HA!

Spencer's mom looks like Mariska Hargitay a little bit.  Okay, I guess all this wedding cancellation stuff does suck a bit for Melissa.  I imagine it's very embarrassing to have to tell people that your fiance made out with your 16 year old sister.

You just wasted a whole muffin, Spencer.  Haven't you done enough?

Don't question a free lipstick, Mona.

Noel is way cuter than Whatever-Hanna's-Boyfriend's-Name is.  Oh, it's Shawn.  Oh, God, Mona, why don't you just sound like every 80's movie ever.

Here comes Teeth, cockblocking Mya.  What the hell is a cabin party?  Why don't they just call it a sex party, since we all know that's what it is?

Smooth, Aria.   And let's all get silent for Jenna again.  Why does Toby look so depressed?

And why is he staring at Spencer?

Uh oh, Jenna's walking stick triggered a FLASHBACK for Emily.

It looks like Toby is carrying Jenna from somewhere?  Oh, the garage.  I can tell because all the girls are still standing RIGHT NEAR IT, which doesn't seem guilty at all.  I thought you guys ran away?  You are terrible at vandalism.

Now Toby's looking at Emily.  OH WAIT.  Toby doesn't even fucking go to this school?!  So, he just comes to drop off Jenna every day?  And stare at people?  And I see they are blaming the whole garage incident on him, classy.

Oh, for the love of God.  Now it's the damn detective.  Doesn't anybody have to go to the front office to sign in anymore?  It's a wonder more teenagers don't get killed in this town, since they just let any psycho on campus.

Okay, Jenna.  If I didn't know it was probably their fault that you're blind, I would think you were a Super Bitch for bringing up their dead friend all the time.


Real clever (and insensitive) with your advertising there, ABC Family.

Ugh, I hate how they try to make Hanna look fat by wearing sweaters.  Because, you know, only fatties wear sweaters.

I don't think this detective is legally allowed to question these girls without a lawyer present.  Good job calling him out, Hanna!  You should be a cop, instead of these bozos.

"We've been trying to get a hold of you!"  Aria, it's been two minutes.  And you didn't even go to class, you're still in the hallway.  Oh, Spencer just said it's been an hour.  Well then, what other questions did he ask?  That flashback couldn't have taken up the whole hour.

Don't go see Ezra!  Don't go see Ezra!

Damn it.  Yeah, it is a bad idea to invite Ezra to hang out with you and your parents, Aria.  But sneaking around with Fitz sounds way better than going to the stupid cabin party, so go ahead.

I'd kind of like Wren and Spencer to get together.  They both have unconventional names.  They're both very attractive.

This camera angle in the locker room looks like a horror movie.  Is Emily about to get stabbed.  Oh SHIT, Teeth!

WTF?  Emily looked a little uncomfortable during the Funyun Breath comment, so I'm guessing there's some truth in that.  What are you doing, Teeth?

OH, HELL YEAH!  Punch him in the mouth Toby!  He already has plenty of teeth!  Wait, why is Toby still at the school?!

Oh, Holly Marie Combs is definitely prego.

Stop slouching!  We can tell.  Jodi Center Stage sure has some balls showing up to Mrs. Montgomery's art gallery.  She is just super sad and pathetic.  Nobody wants you, Jodi!

This detective looks like he's about 19 years old when he's out of a suit.  Maybe that's why the cops here are so bad?  They only just got out of high school.

Stop looking through her purse without a warrant!  You know, these parents could really sue the hell out of the Rosewood Police Department.  I take back some of the stuff I said about Ashley, she and Hanna are pretty clued in to what's legal and what's not.  Well, except for in the Sex/Blackmail department.

"Lighten up."  Thanks, Mya.  I'm sure Emily will remember that next time she's being molested in the locker room.  Something tells me you aren't going to be the best girlfriend.

Look at Teeth's face!  Toby can creepily hang out at school whenever he wants.

Why in the world would Melissa have all her old high school essays saved on her laptop?  She's such a bitch.  And yeah, Spencer, cheating on your essay will totally show her.

This cabin party sucks.  Is this what high school parties were like?

I wish everybody would stop talking shit about Toby.  He might be a creeper, but he did save Emily from potential rape.  Wait, why was Toby in the girl's locker room?  Did he put that note in Emily's locker in the first episode?

They have a photobooth!?  Maybe this party doesn't suck after all.  I had a photo booth at my wedding, and it was the best.

Oh my God.  Toby's in the shadows.  What are you doing here?


Ali is such a bitch.  I don't buy for a minute that she didn't know Jenna was in that garage.

And why would she have yelled at Toby in front of those cops?  They were way closer than Spencer was, they probably heard the whole thing.  And she's such a bitch to Hanna.  I wish it would turn out that Hanna killed her.

OH WAIT.  That WASN'T Toby in the shadows, starring at Spencer?!  Then, who the fuck was that?

How many picture options does this photobooth have?  They just took, like 20.  And some asshole just stole them.

Oh, wow, Hanna.  This is not special.  This is a barn, or something.  You are going to get splinters in your vag.  This is so awkward.  I do feel bad.  But can't she see that he's probably gay?  Not that he has to be gay to not want to have sex with her.  He's probably just offended by the idea of having it in stupid Noel's stupid barn.

Here, comes that bitch, Jodi.  Go back to your ballet studio.

Why didn't you pour the wine on her, Aria?  I would have.

Hanna's hair looks really good considering she was super making out in a barn.  Oh, she just stole a car.

But did she really steal it all because of this text?  I mean, it was rude, but this is a little drastic.

How did Aria know where Ezra's apartment was?  Did he tell her?  If he did, why is he so surprised that she's there?  Please go inside.  What if his neighbors are cops?

Hanna, you can totally go to jail for this!  Situations like this are why guys are always calling girls psychos.  He wasn't ready for sex, so you stole and totaled his car?  Way to be the bigger person.

Hey, Mr. Arthur!

Toby is like Boo Radley or something.  Shouldn't he turn the porch light on so he can work on all his little mechanic things?

Oooo, are they having a picnic?  They seem awfully surprised that Ali forced Toby to take the garage blame, even though he would have no other reason to.

Crackly sticks!  Run!  Alison's bracelet!

Oh!  Our first A scene.

Printing pictures.

Oh, it was A who stole the photo booth pics.  And made a shit load of copies?  What a waste of photo paper.

Final Count:

Coffee Sightings: 3
Flashbacks: 3
Ezra and Aria Make Their Relationship Obvious: 2
Cops Do Something Illegal: 2

Until next time, Bitches!

All Screencaps courtesy of Fanpop.

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